缪斯19

Recipe for Lemon Cupcakes

 
1.      Take your grief.  把它揉成一个小球放在手里.

2.     Zest a lemon or three or five.  你妈妈的厨房里有这么多，你得对它们做点什么.  They can’t just molder in the fridge.

3.     将柠檬切碎，与糖和水一起放入平底锅中.  煮.  搅拌.  炖.  引起更多的.  最终会变成橘子酱.

4.     Add your grief to the marmalade.  It’s already bitter.  它能承受.

5.     在碗里量出干的配料，混合，放在一边.

6.    把鸡蛋、黄油和糖打到松软.  加入香草精和柠檬皮，再次搅拌.

7.     你忘记预热烤箱了，是吗?  现在就打开它.

8.    将干料分批加入湿料中, 充分混合，每次加入后用抹刀刮掉两边.

9.    你肯定有个小蛋糕罐吧?  找到它，还有几个万圣节前剩下的纸杯蛋糕纸.  The ones with skulls.

10.   把蛋糕面糊舀进烤盘，直到每个纸杯都是半满的.  小心地在每个纸杯蛋糕中间放一勺橘子酱, then cover with additional batter.

11.    Bake for 20 minutes at 350, 或者直到一根牙签插在纸杯蛋糕中间，除了橘子酱外，其他的都没有.

12.   在烤蛋糕的时候，把你父母的酒柜洗劫一空.  给自己倒一杯你父亲没机会喝的单一等级的干邑, 把柠檬酒拿到厨房去.

13.   再打一根没有抵抗力的黄油棒来做糖霜, 加入比黄油所能容纳的更多的糖粉.  继续搅拌，直到完全混合, 然后加入适量的柠檬酒，看着酒精在继续搅拌的过程中使糖霜变得平滑. 

14.   Remove the cupcakes from the oven.  让它冷却.

15.   用密封袋三明治袋临时制作一个糕点袋.  将柠檬糖霜倒入冷却的纸杯蛋糕上.

16.   和你的家人一起分享做好的纸杯蛋糕.  每个人都认为它们很好吃.  没有人评论里面的橘子酱的苦味. 

 

Why Does It Matter That

            达维什，道奇队的投手，
            很快在世界职业棒球大赛中输掉了两场比赛?

            Because he was well-mannered
            when speaking of his failures
            to fans and his teammates? Or—

            Because when younger I too
            was sometimes badly beaten
            作为一名投手?

 
Why does it matter that
      
            六十年前
            大城市、大学、医院的领导们
            医学专业人士，教育工作者认为它"很好"
            for young doctors—men and women—
            每周照顾130个小时
            为那些贫穷、生病、濒死的人?

           因为他们的工作挽救的生命比付出的代价要多?         
           因为它是廉价、优质的劳动力?  Or—
 
           Because now I know that
           we harm one another when
           we are wrong about what is “good”?


Why does it matter that

            我的两个孩子今天没有给我打电话?  

           Because they are busy with others,
           with the world, with their problems ? Or—
           Because I am sick and lonely?


Why does it matter that

           I hear the sound of a fan
            blowing behind me when
           there is no fan blowing behind me?

          
           Because I have water in my ears?  Or—
           Because I am about to have a stroke?       

 
Why does it that matter that

           I then find myself asking,
           Was I lucky in love?              

           Because I have been pressed down
           since Elizabeth departed?  Or—

           因为很快,
           if the sound of a fan is not
           a prelude to oblivion,
           I will not be so lucky? 

 

 

 Now That You Mention It,

how do we measure
the universe of the downsized life?

它是
在角落和房间，楼梯和平方英尺?
数字连接和能力，或多或少?

它是
在选择可重复使用的市场袋-
又小又结实的东西，每天用来购物，  
也许是维也纳或波哥大街头市场的纪念品?

它是
in the number of place-settings?  the vintage of table and chairs,
china and stemware?  菜单和食谱的特点?

它是
在走了或没走的路上，一天中见面的时间?         
在选择一辆小巧的汽车，但渴望帆布顶?

它是
保持珍妮·林德那有光泽的铜铰链树干——
已经完成的旅程的地图和笔记，还有即将到来的旅程?

Now that you mention it,

how do we measure
the universe of the downsized life
当一个人的生活意识没有完全被削弱时?

My Mother and Ellen West

在医院里我看着他们物化
把她变成一大堆来历不明的东西，
来这里聊天和学习的学生
the end of someone dear.

Thank you for taking the pain
离开我的日子.

在另一种情况下，她的断言可能会起作用
as a suicide note.  Ellen West leaves the hospital
而死.  Internalizes her desire not to be.

我们每个人内心的医生都想达到
走出，抚平心灵，争取
饱腹感. 

对我的依恋.

I had her own notes of the self.

I threw them out.  我以为她花在他们身上的时间
浪费，分类，所有的专注，
我本可以塑造的巨大的内在物质
a walk through fire. 

医院是一个无法容纳的物体
这个话题.  All my life I’ve known this fear.
The object is 这个话题.  我妈妈是一组索引卡
where she recorded feelings,
护士的精神病记录，治疗计划. 
所有这些都围绕着一个内在的自我组织起来.
Not just its parts but her whole. 

我从第一个人变成了第二个人
第一个人对第二个躁狂患者，然后是第三个抑郁症患者. 
我是内在的，然后是外在的，然后是内在的. 
She was my interior,
我的母亲，一系列的应用
of psychiatric principles. 

我穿过她的火焰，我内心的物质.  

愤怒

Compulsive Eating

保持
what you would take from me
I consume and assimilate
贪婪地
没有饥饿

隐藏
what you can’t see in me
我添加图层
使不动
dressing in armor

保持沉默
what you refuse to hear me say
I pad and stuff myself
静静
muting my screams

我长大了
into significance

Female Insignificance

一个医生
changing into scrubs
in nurses’ locker rooms

she surrenders her thoughts
for a man’s presentation
so others will listen

securing the mortgage
her name on the deed
her husband is listed as owner

delivered from her body
her children bear
their father’s name

于是她吃了
吃啊吃啊

and no one dared notice

减肥

I burn my banner
I squelch my rebellio
我缩小

Not to walk the runway
or join the olympics of lust
不应该
what I am told I should be
small, boyish, passive

安静的

I am a woman warrior
exhausted by the weight

of insignificance

 糖果店

at 3 o’clock or so
they start coming in
首先慢慢
and then a whole

stream in need of an extra kick
通过

all very particular
mini chocolate chip cookies
for the NICU nurse
的
in that green package
please tell me that you have them
we lost two babies today

薄荷口香糖
对医生来说
i’m working way too much overtime
wait, what day is it?
i think i have a date
3小时后

焦糖椒盐脆饼榛子巧克力棒
sticky-salty-nutty
for the vascular surgeon
谁刚刚修复了三个破裂的动脉瘤
i dreamt of blood last night
再一次。

three diet sodas
for the cardiology fellow
嘿,
at least it’s diet
i need 保持 the weight off
i’m getting married on sunday

至于我?

我偏
to those little candies
你知道
蓝色的
甜的酸的
童年